If you want to leave, that’s a good enough reason to leave. You don’t “owe” anyone an “explanation.” “It’s not working out” is all you ever need to say. When we don’t internalize that wanting to leave is a good enough reason to leave, we start to believe that someone needs to “do something wrong” in order for us to have permission to leave.
That’s when we start making things up, interpreting things in bizarre ways, or getting stuck on past grudges.
“She knows how to push my buttons.”
“I feel disrespected and I have to overlook it until I just can’t stand it any more.”
“He doesn’t know how to be a man.”
“They always leave me out of things. They think they’re better than me.”
“I have to tell him the same thing over and over again.”
“She’s a psycho. She’s crazy.”
I mean, those things may very well be true. But why, then, did you stay? Is it possible that in some way you provoked those behaviors?
Either that or, if we are the victim, then we make excuses.
“He just wants what’s best for me.”
“My parents love me, they just don’t know how to express it.”
“She’s just really stressed out all the time because of her job.”
“He had a hard childhood. His parents were abusive.”
“They only act this way when they drink. Deep down they’re good people.”
“If only I could explain how I feel, she would understand.”
“I still believe he can change.”
And so on. There’s always an excuse if you need to find one, just like there’s always a way to paint someone as a monster if you look hard enough. I could list more excuses and more monstrosities, but why bother? You know your own excuses.
We have been indoctrinated to think that someone needs to have “done something wrong” in order for it to be “OK for me to leave.” NO! If you want to leave, you don’t even need to explain why. Not to yourself and not to anyone else.
Why? Because other people can catch your vibes. And if you don’t really want to be there, they will know! And they will react with some form of resentment, some method of pushing you away. The longer you stay, the messier it gets. When you want to leave, just leave, and leave as cleanly as you can.
Yes or no, stay or go.