Often when people think they are attracted to someone they are actually just envious of them.

I really think this will help a lot of you.

Here’s the most obvious example. A man who dates younger women. Maybe he is attracted to youth. But it’s quite possible that he wants to be young. He wants youth for himself. So he tries to get it by association.

If that’s true, at first he will idealize the young woman, and put her on a pedestal. But she can’t make him young. His initial love-bombing will turn into resentment towards her.

Other examples could be someone who thinks they are attracted to wealth, intelligence, status, artistic ability, “exotic” traits, athletic prowess–it could be anything.

Envy is not necessarily bad. For instance, if I am jealous of someone’s achievements, maybe I will push myself to achieve. Or maybe I will work with them so that I can become more like them. The problem is when envy turns into resentment, which then becomes just wanting the other person to fail.

If you find yourself becoming disappointed with the people you “fell in love with”, I want you to ask yourself whether you were ever really attracted to them. Or did you just envy them?

And if you find yourself in a relationship where at first you got love-bombed, but then the person seemed completely disappointed with you, please ask a similar question. Were they ever attracted to you, as a person? Or were they simply attracted to a quality you had, a quality they wanted?