This is the root of self-sabotage:
We have 50,000 year-old brains. And 50,000 years ago, you were only going to know maybe 200 people over the course of your whole life. If you failed, got embarrassed or got rejected, people might gossip over it for who knows how long? Maybe forever.
So there is this fear of failure or rejection. And what we do to avoid that fear is tell ourselves stories, stories that we would have told “everyone” else 50,000 years ago. “Oh, that wasn’t really my best.” “Oh, I didn’t really care that much.” “Oh, that wasn’t really what I wanted.”
The final step is then we just never really go after what we truly want 100%, because by not really committing there is a built in excuse. We fantasize instead of doing because fantasy is the only place where we can completely avoid rejection or failure (that’s procrastination.)
We tell ourselves all these stories:
“Oh, the timing isn’t right.” “I missed my chance.” “I just don’t feel like doing it TODAY.” “Things could have been different if only…” “Oh, it’s too late to respond now.”
These stories allow our egos to avoid failure or embarrassment by avoiding ever really trying.
But it adds up. And when I look back at how I used to live, what amazes me is that I used to spend most of my life pursuing what I didn’t really care about. Why? So that if I failed I could honestly say, “Well, I didn’t care that much, so it’s no big deal.”
Who was I trying to convince?